Undead Shenanigans
by Lycorise
Summary: Modern Thedas AU. The team's mission objective is the capture of a wayward necromancer in Orlais. They finally catch up to him - in a dinosaur museum.


**A/N:** Modern Thedas AU with dinosaurs. The Inquisition as a SWAT-like team. Just for funsies.

* * *

_"Wait, the target is slowing down. Current trajectory suggests his destination is…the Val Gamord Dinosaur Museum."_

A chorus of groans rang through the helicopter.

"Of all places…" muttered Blackwall.

Dorian tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Well, it _is_ a logical. Having a small army of dinosaur thralls does have its destructive appeal."

"You're a necromancer too, Dorian," Kathryn said. "Think we could have our own dinosaurs as well?"

"Aha! Now that's an idea."

"Our mission is to stop the necromancer, Captain," Cassandra cut in, casting a stern look at the mages. "Not cause more destruction just for fun."

_"I'm afraid I have to agree with Cassandra, Captain,"_ Leliana's voice piped through their earpieces. _"But of course, having one or two on your side might come in handy when_–_" _An abrupt pause. _"The target has reached the museum."_

"Security?"

_"Not nearly enough, I'm afraid. Thirty security personnel, only twenty are fully-armed–no, make that fourteen. It seems dinosaur skeletons are terribly efficient at killing."_

"Bring up the map," Kathryn ordered.

A three-dimensional holographic map of the museum sprang up in the middle of the crew compartment. Twenty-four green markers were organised into teams of six. Two teams stood in the path of the lone red marker advancing upon them at an almost leisurely pace. Another two were on both sides of the enemy, trying to flank him. Six stationary grey markers lay behind the red – the unfortunate casualties.

"Hard to believe so many are needed to take down just one person," Blackwall quipped.

"One person with dinosaurs," Cole added quietly in his seat.

"Good point," the soldier agreed, stroking his beard.

"The quickest way to end this would be to go straight for this guy," Kathryn thought aloud, finger tapping at the red marker. As she did so, two more green markers turned grey. "But the dinosaurs will complicate things. Dorian, how many do you think one mage can control at once?"

"Depends. Personally, I'd have no more than four to six active so my attention doesn't get too scattered… Too many and I wouldn't have time to worry about myself now, would I?"

"Then I propose this." Kathryn waved her hand, causing the hologram to split into the museum's three levels. "Sera and Cole, your main target will be the necromancer. Leliana, would you prefer him alive or…?"

_"Alive, preferably. Or just alive enough to spill information."_

"Right. So you two try to incapacitate him. You will enter through…" Kathryn rotated the hologram, looking for a proper entry route. "Here, the service entrance. Try not to get his attention, and _don't_ bicker. At least not until this is over."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Sera acquiesced.

"And the rest of us will have the pleasure of being bait." The Captain tapped rapidly on the level above the red marker. "Cassandra and I will take our places here." Two blue markers appeared at one corner, on the right of the escalators. "Blackwall and Dorian, here." Another two materialised on the left. "Keep him distracted long enough for our two kids to drop him. Maybe even provoke him into creating more thralls than he can handle." She looked up at her team. "Everyone alright with that?"

They nodded without hesitation.

"Good. Focus, and try not to get skewered. We'll go for drinks after."

* * *

If Kathryn was not nervous before, she was now. The floors rumbled with every step the dinosaur thralls took. She sneaked a glance at Cassandra as they ran down the brightly lit corridor. Her partner showed no sign of hesitation or nervousness – just the same focus she carried in all her missions. That is a good sign. Kathryn took comfort in that. She looked at the map on the holographic visor covering her left eye; they were reaching their destination.

Turning the corner sharply, the pair came to a stop on either sides of the door. They shared a glance and nodded. Cassandra swung the door open and Kathryn quickly made for cover behind the parapet, forcing herself not to stop and gawk at the hulking skeletons patrolling the main gallery. She slid into position and was joined by Cassandra shortly after.

All the green markers on her map showed her team was in position. Kathryn waited for three heartbeats.

"Now!" she barked, and the barrage began.

The air promptly began crackling with magic and gunfire. The necromancer's head swiveled in shock and confusion. One of his thralls fell apart under the combined fire. Kathryn heard him yell in frustration and raise another two skeletons to replace the fallen. The sight was strangely captivating, to say the least. That was until one of the creatures whipped its hollow gaze in her direction.

"Cassandra, back!"

The Seeker, aware of the attention they had attracted, quickly fell back to Kathryn's side. The mage barely had time to call up her barrier before a massive tail slammed into it. She felt the barrier break under the impact and quickly sent forth a force wave – repulsing the tail before it could reach them. It worked, but the explosive force of magic blew them off their feet. Kathryn's head hit the floor, and she cursed herself for not wearing a helmet like her partner. Her vision swam, and it was made worse when Cassandra hauled her to her feet, dragging her into a corridor the dinosaurs could not reach.

"Are you all right?" Cassandra tilted her head up and to the sides, checking for damage.

Kathryn blinked hard a few times, clearing her vision as best she could. She nodded, jaw clenched. The mage placed a hand on Cassandra's shoulder and forced herself to her feet. She channeled a tiny bit of mana to her hands, where small balls of fire burst into existence. The crystal catalysts embedded in her gloves glowed in response. Good – everything was in working order. She snuffed out the fire.

"Let's not keep them waiting," the Captain said, before charging out to the main gallery again with her partner by her side.

In the few minutes they were out of the picture, the Val Gamord museum had sustained damages so heavy its owners would weep. There was not an inanimate dinosaur left in this gallery; about a quarter of the collection carpeted the floor in shattered bone and dust. The rest were mobilised: four formed a protective circle around their puppeteer, while another four fought with vicious frenzy. The remaining five, under Dorian's control, clashed with the enemy with equal fervour, sending bits of broken bone raining everywhere. Blackwall yanked the pin from his grenade and tossed it far – where it landed just in front of the necromancer and his dinosaur bodyguards. Their foe hastily erected a magical barrier, protecting himself from the blast. Two of his thralls, however, shattered in the explosion.

The museum's security teams were still hanging on. They had reorganised and were coordinating attacks with Dorian and Blackwall. The enemy necromancer seemed to grow more annoyed, and sent two of his thralls after the less well-trained personnel. Kathryn quickly summoned an icy gale, directing the force of the wind at the charging dinosaurs, which froze immediately. A long bony tail sailed through the air at the giant ice statues, shattering them. Dorian's triumphant laugh crackled through their earpieces.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Kathryn yelled over the din, flinging spells directly at their mage target.

"Haven't had this much fun since that time in the cemetery!" came Dorian's reply, as he sent a four-legged skeleton on an earth-shaking charge at their foe.

"Concentrate," Cassandra reminded them, unloading an entire magazine at another dinosaur. "Our rogues are reaching the target."

Kathryn saw that she was right. The two green markers representing Cole and Sera were slowly creeping up on the red target on either side.

"Time to end this," the mage declared. "One final wave, team!"

With that, Kathryn reached out for the Fade, channeling as much power as she could. The air above the enemy thralls swelled. When she felt the flow of energy reach its peak, Kathryn slammed her fist downward, unleashing the force spell. All skeletons within the spell's range were immediately crushed, as though a giant invisible boot had stomped on them like insects. Dorian's two remaining thralls lunged forward with their jaws, clamping their teeth around their opponents' necks and jerking savagely, severing their heads from their long necks. Blackwall pitched an incendiary grenade at the hulking monstrosity closest to him, engulfing it in a mass of red-hot flames.

"No!" came the angry cry from the necromancer, as he tried desperately to reform the bones into more undead monsters. A startled yell burst from his lips as he stumbled forward, clutching at a bullet wound on his thigh. He whirled around in confusion to find his attacker staring back at him in triumph, sniper rifle still in her hands.

"You fucking bitch!" He cursed, spittle flying from his mouth. Sera stuck out her tongue and flipped him off.

Before he could do anything else, Cassandra thrust her hand forward, and the enemy necromancer let out an agonised wail. He fell to his knees as his veins ran with burning lyrium. Suddenly, Cole appeared next to the man and jabbed a syringe into his neck. The mage's writhing lost steam and stopped within seconds. He dropped to the floor, unconscious. It was over.

"Mission accomplished," Kathryn said, jogging over to the inert body. "Good job, everyone." She turned the man over so that he lay on his back, and checked him for any life-threatening injuries. Once satisfied their quarry would live, she told Cole, "Cuff him and prepare for transport."

The blond nodded and immediately set to work. Kathryn turned to look at the rest of the museum gallery, wincing a little when the aftermath of the battle finally sank into her. It was, suffice to say, a wreck. It would take months for the museum to recover, and no doubt the upper echelons would berate her for their sloppiness again.

"_Can't wait,_" she thought, opening a channel to their pilot. "Livia, target is secured. Do be a dear and pick us up?"

_"On the way. ETA five minutes."_

Cassandra came to stand by her, surveying the damage as well. "The debrief is not going to be pleasant," she muttered.

"What, like we've never been through it before?" Kathryn replied, watching Dorian bid farewell to his two surviving thralls, cooing at them as though they were pets. He patted their battered skulls affectionately, before letting them fall to the floor in pieces.

The Nevarran shook her head in resignation. To Kathryn's surprise, she chose not to argue as they have done many times before. Instead, Cassandra went to Cole and relieved him of the necromancer's body, slinging it across her shoulders.

"Let's go," the soldier said, making her way to a nearby stairwell with Cole following close behind.

"Well, you heard the lady," Blackwall said, walking past Kathryn in Cassandra's direction. He slung his assault rifle around a shoulder. "Might as well get the lecture over and done with."

"Yes. Let them say their piece, then we'll drink the town dry." Dorian placed a hand on Kathryn's back, pushing her forward.

"Fine," the Captain sighed. She started to look for their remaining team member when Sera finally caught up to them. The sniper looked thoroughly amused.

"What are you so happy about?" Kathryn asked, to which Sera responded by holding up her hand. There was a large dinosaur tooth sitting in her palm.

"You're _stealing_ from the museum?"

"Just a _souvenir_," Sera countered, turning the tooth around and examining it. "Not like they're gonna need it. Or use it anymore." She gestured back at the mess of bones in the gallery.

"Oh…well. I guess. Just don't let Cassandra see it, or she'll stab you with it."

Sera gave an impish laugh. "She's welcome to _try_."


End file.
